HEWWO, I'M A WIDE MAWF TOAD.

'Do you want to hear my woody allen joke? i'll even attempt to do it in his voice...'
'You sound south african.'
fml.

so today I was informed that not only am I shit at pretending to be an American Jew, I also sound like a conservative party leader when I attempt to be posh. Brilliant. Elocution school here I come. Although I now know table ettiquette. So I'm halfway there.

Everything is going swimmingly. I have a job, which makes a change from having hepatitus. But y'know, times are hard.
Actually, I'm fair gutted not to be voting in this year's elections. I'ma have to make do with getting the mafia to scare people into voting for labour. Again.

I actually feel fairly dreadful. My body's normally pretty good at this whole avoiding going into shut down mode, but I feel like I need to sleep for about 8 years in order to get over whatever the hell I've suddenly contracted. Pathogens - 1, Immune system - 0. There's a surprise.

There's nothing better than having a massive conversation with someone on chatroullete whilst dressed as a cat. And responding to everything with 'meow'.

I'm off to develop wrist strength. So as to better my plate carrying technique.
Chus.